Tag: relationships

3 Ways to Help Your Relationships

Illuminated EngagementsHow are your relationships?
Are your relationships what you want?
Can your relationships with friends, spouse and family stand some improvement?


The other day someone told me they didn’t have many friends.  Once upon a time the same was true for me.  I did have dysfunctional friendships though and after those were ended, I had to learn how to have functional relationships.

One of the things that I found for me to be true was that I often expected people to act one way or another—especially this was so for my family members.  Of course I wanted everyone to act the way I wanted them to act.   I also wanted to be right about everything.  To say I once had high expectations of everyone, including myself, is an understatement!   But I have learned over time – that this type of relationship rarely lasts and can be taxing on all parties involved.


“Why is it,” he said, one time, at the subway entrance, “I feel I’ve known you so many years?”
“Because I like you,” she said, “and I don’t want anything from you.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451


If you have more realistic expectations of a relationship, you have to eliminate the expectations!  Yes, when you put expectations on another person, they will always disappoint you.  People can’t live up to our lofty expectations- –they often are just struggling to live with the expectations they have of themselves.

I have been reading “Friendship with God” by Neale Donald Walsch and have found so much wisdom within these pages.  Of course I would, wouldn’t I?

In those pages, there is the discussion of the 3 items which will keep us from having true, meaningful relationships:

1. Neediness

2. Expectations

3. Jealousy

While Walsch in his dialogues with God, express these meanings more fully and eloquently than I, I will attempt to paraphrase here.  When we need something from someone, we often place expectations on the relationship.  If those expectations aren’t met in the way we expect them, we can become frustrated, angry, fearful, and jealous.  These emotions are not going to help us in the relationship we desire.  Once we need to learn to let go of these expectations and allow the relationship the freedom it deserves, and then we can  allow the relationship to flourish in a better manner.

I have found myself having these feelings about various relationships in my life and have sought to correct my own feelings.  The result was a deeper relationship with both friends and family.  I still strive to keep these items in check with those relationships.  An expectation is the hardest one for me, although the other two have risen their heads up just recently.  Fortunately I recognized them in time, and put them in their place before the situation got out of hand.   I have good friends who know me and tolerate my occasional indiscretions.


“The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.”
― Neale Donald Walsch


I’ll be sharing more of the wisdom from this book in future blogs as I continue to read and absorb its great golden nuggets of wisdom.  Check the book out at your local library, bookstore or try our bookstore with Amazon.

Treasure your friends for who and what they are, not what you expect them to be.  Isn’t that why you wanted them to be part of your life in the first place?   And family?   Well, they too are doing the best they can with what they have.  Let them teach you more about yourself –even if it’s just your tolerance levels.

Until next time…remember to have patience with others and have patience with yourself.

Love and Light,

Blake Cahoon, Spiritual Messenger
Illuminated Engagements Centre for Whole-Being

Blake has more friends now than ever and she treasures all of them.   Even her relationship with her sister has improved ten-fold.  She wishes she had gained wisdom about these items years ago.  But she is grateful for knowing it now.

Don’t forget – Father’s Day is coming up!
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